gladorianera

Lessons

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:09:01 GMT

Council Christmas party today, pretty fun, spent most of the time in the water but I still can't swim even though Jeremy tried really hard to teach me! I love the pool. It's massive! And the Jacuzzi is totally cool ( Bukakke much?) HAHAHA.

I surprise myself with the amount of energy I have. I attribute this boundless energy to the fact that I hardly do anything all day now. Without council, I have nothing much ( that I like doing) to keep my mind vigilant and body exhausted. It's 3.05 and I do not feel sleepy at all. I spend my days singing Disney and Christmas songs ( karaoke version) on Youtube, including the American national anthem ( Star spangled banner) which i have grown very fond of. However, my parents complained I was wreaking too much havoc ( not in quite so many words), they simply said 'char si lang' ( noisy to death, in Cantonese). Alas, my talent was not appreciated at home. Thus, I had little choice but to select a new hobby. Viwawa. Over the last few days, I've been reduced to sitting stiffy in front of my computer screen playing Zany Bridge, Big 2.5 and Wahjong. What a geek. It's not like I'm even good at those games. I just have nothing better to do and homework doesn't count. However, I must concede that these games have taught me quite a few valuable lessons which I'd like to share with everyone.

From Zany Bridge, I learnt to laugh at myself before anyone else beat me to it. You see, I suck so bad at bridge, I just don't get it. As Princess Mia from the Princess diaries puts it ever so eloquently, '"The concept is grasped, the execution is elusive'' . Hence, it comes as no surprise that I am kicked out of nearly every game. I have endured snide remarks from experienced and cranky players. They detest and belittle 'noobs' like me. Therefore, to prevent myself from getting kicked out, I create my own games and my game titles express subtle dislike at my annoyance at getting kicked out, titles like ' I hate getting kicked out' ( Ha, ha.... That was meant to be a joke). See that's the lesson I've learnt. Before anyone criticizes me, I admit my flaws by laughing at myself and making a joke out of the situation even though I am fuming with rage and indignation. If this isn't clear enough, I can provide a more direct instance of laughing at myself. Farting. Don't deny it. Nobody believes you.

From Big 2.5, more commonly known as Taiti, I've learnt that it sucks to watch people stronger than you succeed while you 望尘莫及 .(So far behind you can only look at the dust of your opponent) . But, if you play your cards well and manage to expose and overcome your opponents' advantages, you can triumph over the stronger guy. For example, one may not be the smartest bloke around but learn to be exam smart. If you know the English genius in front of you is especially good in one topic, don't be an ass and do the same question. Obviously the examiner will compare standards and you will definitely lag behind. Of course, this is not applicable for every subject, I am merely trying to comfort myself here.

From Wahjong, I've learnt that focusing on winning is more important than focusing on others losing. You see, it gets tiring to think of ploys to prevent your opposition from winning, especially if there are more than one. Rather, all these efforts would be more productive if channeled into devising ideas on how to win instead. To make this more comprehensive, it would be better to study hard and do well than to make the smartest person in your class do poorly.

Anyway, Ashley thinks I'm cute more than I'm pretty. What do you think? I'm really curious. Guy& Girl opinion. Please vote in the comments. Pretty/ cute/ hot/ NONE? THIS POST MUST COMMENT. Anon also can, just say guy/ girl

Random musings

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 07:08:31 GMT

I have had lots of boyfriends and I am glad that most of them did not develop. I was on Facebook stalkering around and I had the biggest fright of my life. This boy, whose name I shall not mention, has long hair. WTF right? Long. Ew. And there were so many people comforting me when I was 'played' by this witless wonder. They told me, 'God has plans for everything', ' you'll find a better guy' etc. etc. At that moment, all seemed bleak, I refused to believe them, although I was grateful for their trying to cheer me up. Today, I conclude that their words of wisdom were undoubtedly accurate. He did not make it big. He is no longer handsome. AND his hair is long. Sheesh. Long hair. Long.

I feel like changing my blog to tumblr/ blogspot. Something new. But I can't bear to cause all my memories reside here.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:37:44 GMT

I don't feel like writing in proper sentences/paragraphs and good vocab/grammar/whatever.

I'm pretty tired and addicted to games on Viwawa which spells my doom because I can't seem to stop. I've had about 10 'last' games of zany bridge and 7 of wahjong. I hate those bridgers online, they call me noob and kick me out. HMPH

War and beauty is the best show ever. I super <3 it. I dunno why but that sounded quite bimbotic.

Anyway, more exciting stuff. Today was THE cliquemas party! I love my clique, can't believe it's been almost a year since we've been in different schools. I still love them as much, all ten of us, even though Ah tan wasn't here today. ):
IJ friends= friends for life. Looking at what some of them( Val, Anne, Lianne, Amanda, Samantha) wrote in my super old p6 autograph books brings back the fondest memories. 'Let's be frenz 4 eva' and stuff along those lines, I'm glad we've kept that promise. (:

Sadly, we didn't camwhore that much today, so much for my false eyelashes ): Anyway, I thought I looked pretty so that's worth it.

Urgh, got to wake up early tomorrow for house meeting and housekeeping matters in the SCC. I think I've got to start on holiday homework soon.

ET

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:55:09 GMT

I miss my best friend, Eliza Tan Shi Ru. ):

Palace

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:36:56 GMT

I'm watching this HongKong serial drama called 'War and beauty'. It speaks of palace politics between concubines. The extent that concubines go to in order to win favour from the emperor is oddly disturbing yet fascinating. Palace politics isn't that far off from what we all deal with in reality. Even in JC, we see that ever so often with scores of people try to win approval by the so-hailed ' Queen bee'. Hmm.. how a fellow human being can have so much control over another never ceases to amaze me. I have absolutely no idea what inspired me to blog about this and I suspect that I am innately, in my deepest unconsciousness very troubled by the rifts that have popped up in my class in CJC. Yes, that's probably the reason, can't attibute it to anything else. I wish I wasn't so judgmental, maybe people would stop judging me too. I think the saying ' whoever bitches to you will bitch about you' is very true. There are probably exceptions like everything else but right now, at this point of time, I feel very strongly about this quotation. I think it's scary when I am almost forced to take sides, I do not want to take sides. But in this situation, it does seem inevitable.
Back to War and beauty. Almost a paradox, don't you think?

DC

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:41:20 GMT

Random thoughts running through my head

1. I feel so disconnected from everyone. Fucking sickening.
2. I really hate class politics, why can't everything be the way it was at the start of the year
3. I'm wayyy too free and I have no mood to do holiday homework
4. I have a super bad feeling about orientation
5. I still have to buy presents for my clique, council and for Ashley and I have no idea how I'm gonna get all the money to do that. At least I settled quite a few gifts already. Urgh
5. FML

Nothing

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:07:57 GMT

Woke up at 1145 when Ashley called to deliver several large cartons of chocolate to my house, together with Jessie and Yi Sen. Yi Sen has no hair, so funny.
I was real happy to see Ash, I miss him, especially when I have nothing to occupy myself with. I like to keep myself busy, it reminds me that I have something to contribute, I have a purpose in life. That's probably why I overbook my schedule so I always have something to do. But today,I really wanted to be alone with Ashley, probably watch a classic dvd and cuddle with him but I guess time wasn't on our side.
We caught up and talked for about half an hour, then my dad sent us to school, where Ash had to meet his orientation house for a cool party, while i was stuck in school, brainstorming for skit ideas. I was so awfully sleep, practically had to pry my eyelids open. Glad it was over in about 2 hours? I know this sounds so irresponsible but I felt that some parts of the meeting was so unproductive.
Got invited for the party in the end, was a pretty small gathering. Knew everyone there but never really talked to people like Darius, Jin Kuang and John Foo. They are pretty cool people. barbequed in the rain and played 'supreme pig', I suck at it. Did 2 forfeits. One was a slutty dance while singing 'fire burning' and the other was to call Brainy to tell him ' I love you NOT' which is so untrue. ):
Went home grouchy even though i had a lot of fun cause of some reasons that I will not remember tomorrow morning.
Oh well, time for me to write the script now.

JC2 graduation night

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:53:37 GMT

I am replete
I consider graduation night a success.
I think SA- dayna is almost like my family. I think my bond with SA is closer than that of normal friendship. It's an intangible emotion but I think that my life would be really sad without council. It has dominated my life and I am not complaining, I do not mind council taking over my life. I don't care if we're branded as dogs for the school, we are quite bitchy anyways.
Hmm. I read my bf's blog,( see i didn't cheat! I read it after grad!)
Got me thinking about priorities( in no order of importance)
1. God
2. Family
3. Clique
4. Council
5. Class
6. BF
7. Having a life

Maybe that's why i cannot let everyone be my everything because no on can be all 6.
I don't want to compromise on any of those 6 priorities because they all mean a lot to me, but that's utopian. Reality sucks, and we always end up having imbalanced priorities. For example, if i take on an important role in a major council event, I end up spending less time with family, clique, class and my boyfriend. I also sacrifice my holidays and any chance of me having a life. And i guess that's what happened in the case of grad night, but i never once regretted being the AIC for grad night. It has and will always be my pride and joy. This event boosted my confidence ( not ego) and made me have more faith in myself and in others as well. So it's worth it, council's worth everything i've forgone.

Ash, thanks for being so supportive of me during this period. Please please don't feel useless. You have helped me a lot, more than you know. Just by try so hard to understand and accomodate me. I don't know any other guy who would do that for me. It was my decision to sign on for council and I am prepared to handle stress. Sometimes I whine but i can handle it really. You don't have to feel bad for everything that you can't help me in. If that were the case, I'd be getting your grades for my promos. HAHA. I know you won't feel completely better after this post but I do cherish you and i appreciate everything your going through for me. Sorry for being a grouch and bitch to you so often, I'll try not to let my work affect our relationship. It's 2 separate matters and they should never have to cross paths. Now grad night is over, I'll have more time for you but I can't spend every single waking minute with you because i have other priorities that i wouldn't want to compromise. Can you understand that. I hope you do cause i really love you a lot and i wouldn't want to lose you cause of something that i could have prevented.

When all else fails

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:29:41 GMT

When all else fails. When you know you have lost an argument, when you know everyone's laughing at you, when you know that you've made a mess of everything, just smile and look pretty. (:

Pre-birthday post

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 18:47:25 GMT

Have you ever been stuck in that awful awkward situation where you get a really thoughtful and possibly expensive present from a close/ not-so-close friend i.e. BFF(N) but you don't actually like the present?

I haven't. That was just some food for thought cause I'm starving now but my flabby tummy warns me from going down to the kitchen to satisfy my gluttony.

But just in case you were wondering what to get me for my eighteenth birthday, this post is to help you. ( Gladys is amazing, doesn't she just think of everything? (: )

1. VOUCHERS
Cause I have good taste but insufficient funds to prove that. I feel so darn boring wearing the same things over and over again. No matter how awesome I look, it can get dull after wearing the same clothes a few times a month. I know it's hard to believe.

2. Bring me for a good meal and do something fun with me
I don't think drinking is fun. I've got too many skeletons in my closet I admit and I'm not willing to let them out. Good meal is subjective, I'm not fussy but I don't like raw and exotic food. Fun = Play pool with me as long as you don't kachao me about my lousy pool skills ( Ahem Alesia Gian Ahem) , ooh I like Air Hockey too or SURPRISE ME :D

3. Sexy policewoman outfit
Found Liang court, somehwere around the lingerie section near BLUSH. SEE SO SPECIFIC. I really wanted to buy that but #1 no occasion to wear #2 people will say I'm slutty ( but who cares) #3 My mum will screw me for throwing money away but if someone bought it for me, it'd be a totally different issue eh? Wink wink

4. A lot of things that can't be bought with money. No point saying here, sighhhh.

5. Ashley.
Last but definitely not least.

Thanks guys, can't wait for my birthday now.

My name is Gladys

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:21:04 GMT

Dear blog,
Today I embarrassed myself when i went to Ashley's house. I called Ashley's father ' daddy'. You see, blog, I was real tired when i reached and my brain was functioning like really slowly. So when I heard Ashley say, ' hi daddy', my instinctive reaction was to echo Ashley's answer. That was exactly what I did. Sometimes I feel my mouth works on auto pilot, like I don't think before I speak, and that's really bad, don't you think, blog? I yelled out cheerfully, ' HELLO DADDY!' There was a split second of silence followed by roaring laughter accompanied with blood gushing to my cheeks. I stood there horrified and humiliated at what had transpired. I immediately attempted to rectify my error by addressing Mr. Lim as 'Uncle' but the damaged was done. He had heard it all. At least, all was well after about 5 minutes of teasing and chortling, UNCLE said ' Don't you think it's a bit early?'
Oh wells, dear blog, now I understand why everyone loves bimboes.

Gladys,
not a bimbo, just mildly airheaded

Dear blog,
Sometimes while I'm in a quiet area, I tend to wonder about seemingly insignificant issues. I dismiss them more often than not but I think I shall not cast these thoughts aside any longer. Alright, I'll begin with the idea of maturity. You see, most people have a voice unlike you, blog, and these voices ask me why the sudden bout of 'randomness'? Hmmm, I guess that's because I've been struggling with this issue for a very long time and a few indirect encounters with my ex boyfriend, Timothy, has jolted a very poignant memory of him telling me how immature he and his best friend, Priscilla thought I was. You know what the silliest thing was? I actually believed them, I thought well, they were older ( by 3 yrs ), had seen more things than me and knew better. Of course, it didn't help that I thought they were real smart because they were from HCJC. It's the second best JC in Singapore, only for the elite, unlike me, blog. 4 points after deduction is too lousy a grade to get into such a prestigious school. I would never have been considered for HCJC. Yes, so these intelligent adults told me I was immature. Timothy told me in my face, Priscilla said it to Tim behind my back. How is bitching about somebody you have not met personally mature? But I never questioned it. I accepted it. I worried about it. However, my home tutor, Mr Kuang, a very kind man, told me that outwardly silly behavior did not necessarily reflect immaturity. He is right. I am not immature. I'm just less experienced than Timothy and Priscilla. Let me mature, do not tell me to be mature. It does not just happen. Let me fall and make my own mistakes, there will be enough of them. Let me bask in my triumphs and shine in the glory of my youth. Why oh why, blog, why did they force me to grow up? They will be plenty of time for me to grow up. You claimed you have helped me grow and taught me but I never did enjoy the process. You forced me to be good, I did not want to be good. I did not want to be yours to command, I am my own mistress besides almighty God himself. As I type this, my heart feels laden with lead, but I feel as though I am healing. I have grown up without you, Timothy Yap Hern Pei. I dare you to look and me and call me immature. I knew I was mature the day I ripped off the shackles that bound me to you. It hurt me like crazy but any amount of pain is worth tolerating for me to find myself again. Go watch SAW. It'll help. By the way, I do not hate you because hate contains abstract elements of love. I just feel absolutely disgusted with you. My repulsion deepens everytime I learn how phony you are through my friends and family. I warned you before didn't I. I said that they were MY friends and family. You didn't understand the hint? What a pity. Let's hope now you do.
Oh wells, dear blog, that was a pretty angsty post, but I'll be all better again and you know what, I hope secretly he reads my blog. Aren't I a sadistic little bitch. But you, blog, won't judge me because you're not human. People are so bad. I wish I weren't a person sometimes then maybe I'd be good.

Gladys,
a regular teenager with raging hormones

Dear blog,
I guess you're sick of hearing me rant, I warned you I had many issues though. A lot of people coo when they see cute little old couples holding hands in public. I like to see that too, it makes me feel as if there is hope for happily ever after like in a fairytale. However, a lot of people grimace when they see adolescents in deep embrace, nestled in each other's arms, as if nothing else in the world mattered. In modern terms, this is known as PDA (public display of affection. ) Personally, I know of some people, teenagers included, who condemn PDA. They claim it makes their eyes bleed. I scoff at the thought of people being outwardly disgusted with PDA. If people were truly turned off by PDA, why is porn so popular?! I googled Japanese girls to learn how to do Japanese eye make tutorial, guess what I found. Scores and scores of pornographic links. That proves my point that people are voyeuristic. So what's the deal with waging a war against innocent puppy love? In fact, I strongly supprt couples embracing in crowded areas such as the MRT. They stand closer to each other, leaving more space for everyone else! Aw isn't that just sweet and considerate?! There you have all these middle-aged 'aunties' pushing your way through with huge bags of groceries, and you are the ones complaining about these poor teen couples. How ironic. Perhaps PDA triggers off such an intense feeling ( in fact, some people have a personal vendetta against it) because ( and i can only think of this reason) people are generally sore about their own declining romances. Love is good. Sharing is good. Share the love. Support PDA.
Wasn't that inspirational, blog? Maybe I should be a motivational speaker or something.

Gladys,
always looking for trouble

glad the bore

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:51:12 GMT

I'm becoming boring. I'm working incessantly. I have no life. I hope i still have friends after this.
I feel like giving up for the first time ever. I think I'm biting off more than I can chew. That's purely my fault.
I feel like I'm teethering on the brink of insanity. Somebody please help me.

)):

I'm so tired. I will not show it. I am strong. I am invincible. I will not break down.

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:30:16 GMT

I've been quarelling with Ashley. But somehow I don't feel that I love him less. My image of him as the perfect guy has been shattered but ironically this makes him more 'human' and I can identify with him better. So i guess what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
However, I feel like collapsing and breaking down from the pressure of all the work being hurtled at councillors.

Graduation night looms near, yet we face unnecessary red tape which prevents us from completing our task. This problem is exacerbated with so many people leaving for OCIP. Come Monday, there will be 3 people effectively in our wing. We meet with roadblocks everywhere and every minor setback sends our minds reeling and our tears of frustration pouring out.

At orientation today, we were split into our houses. I was given a few tasks. When asked when the tasks could be completed, i suggested the following night. They were stunned. Same for Heidi. She gave them the poster design on the very same day the design was requested. We do not find anything astonishing about the efficiency of our work because we are so used to working under such pressure.

Heidi, Brian and Melvin just left ( awesome foursome, including me). I love our plans for 2012 in the event the world does end. Working past 10pm together, slaving together like dogs. I don't know why we try so hard all the time because we are all so tired. They are the people that keep me going. If i had to spend my night painting stars and thinking of how to make our cheap stuff look expensive and how to appease 'michael' without accepting his distasteful colour combination, all by myself, you might look forward to my death anniversary, the same time next year. They are tired too, but they keep me going. They keep me strong.

And back to Ashley, I'm so grateful for him. He really cares about me unconditionally. I feel so lucky to have him.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:22:51 GMT

I REALLY love my clique.

Things that I'm fond of but most poeple cannot stand
1. PDA
2. TMI :D
( funny how they're both acronyms)
3. revealing clothes
...
and the list grows

HAHAHAHHAHA

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:31:56 GMT

I've got a joke. Came spontaneously when me and my sis were discussing errr... some private stuff.
Q: Why is George in Australia?
A: Cause Bush is down under.
HAHAHA I make the best jokes i swear, just that my talent often goes unappreciated.

As usual, the end of the month spells poverty for me but I survived by a blend of borrowing money from my sister, staying home with my bf and going out with my mum instead of friends.
I don't buy that many things so I really don't know how i manage spending so much $$$ everytime i go out. Sighhhh.
By the way, i did not d my essay on porverty so I did not produce stellar grades, I blame my complacency.

I saw a minipart on the MRT today. Hilarious.

BTW ever tried going to those obscure shopping centres that no one talks about? Like some jurong thingy i went to today at Boon Lay station. Pretty cool. Place was huge but nothing much to buy though. Haha my mum bought me BB cream though. YAY! 79.90, but discounted so 49.90. Too bad today's last day. HAH.

I have nowhere to go now because I really don't like the clothes in Topshop/ River Island now etc etc etc. Stupid shoulder pads and fugly lace.

I AM NOT A CHEEBYEKIA. YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

I like baby bonus

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:35:44 GMT

I got back GP today, I dropped 8 marks and I confess myself to be utterly disappointed. Whilst maintaining a cheerful front reassuring people, i felt pretty smashed up inside. B isn't a bad grade but i expected to improve to an A because funnily enough, I actually studied a bit for promotional examinations as compared to complete 'taiko' ( or however you spell it) for MYEs. Stupid huh? How to improve my comprehension score? Should have known it was a fluke from the start.

C for chem, 58 to be exact, not supposed to know but Miss Chan told us before the official release of the papers. Adding that to my miserable midyear score, I got 56 ( rounded up), still a C so I'm pretty relieved. It isn't great but I'm not the brightest bulb so a C will do.

D for Econs, don't know my exact score though, improved from a U from midyears so I can't complain.

I passed Lit, I don't know the grade. But i passed. For now, that's all that matters

That's all I know.

I'm super dreading tomorrow. It's the day that will seal the fate of many. There will be a lot of sore eyes and black faces tomorrow, as there will be cheerful countenances and relieved hugs. Whilst it is acceptable that one should feel the urge to bask in one's glory and stellar results, I find the celebration highly insensitive. Regardless of my results, I'll feel like dashing out of school and tearing myself away from the hectic insanity. I am sadly unable to fulfill this simple desire. Duty calls.

Seems almost ludicrous to look back at our good old secondary school days and think about how easy it was to promote. We cried when we didn't get A's. The passing criteria was never considered. ( Now i realise that it was merely, a pass in English and 2/3 other subjects) Now, getting 2 U's is sufficient in depriving one of his/ her friends in the same cohort, precious time and some would say opportunity. Ahhh.Promotion is a battle. A constant and arduous struggle up a vertical slope. Once we lose momentum, we slip down down and down and some of us never pick ourselves up again.

I think i can safely declare myself out of the danger zone and I should heave a sigh of relief. However, I am unable to do so because many of my classmates have been unable to clear the minimum score in order to be promoted ( which is retardedly unreasonable in my opinion). I realised that I cannot imagine how my class would be like. Especially with Charmaine and Yi Sen, we fight and insult each other all the time. In fact, Yi sen was the one who came up with the infamous acronym for my name, GLADYS = go lick Ashley's dick, you slut. Witty huh? Yes, I'll miss them like crazy if they cannot promote. I'll be praying fervently and desperately for my class to be promoted together. Hopefully, Brother Paul takes pity on his poor, wretched students and grants us leniency in choosing students to be promoted.

I am rather amused that MDA banned porn. No. Scratch that. I am amused at people's responses to MDA's action of banning pornography .
This might just turn you on. The speaker is ravishing and radiant, even with no make up on.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=162932491655&ref=mf

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:05:23 GMT

Lots of things to talk about. I shall talk about stuff that pissed me off first, so I can blog about happy stuff in peace

#1 Ashley and I scolded the bus driver of SBS8036X yesterday. Si bei shiok.
Bus was crowded but we managed to find two seats, an old couple came aboard the bus. Aww so cute, love old couples. So we, being the ever civic-minded and kind people we were, let the old people have the seats and incidentally we moved to the only vacant spot which was near the exit of the bus, somewhere in the middle. Were we complimented for our upright moral behavior? Fuck no. The fat fugly ( i think, she was wearing disgusting sunglasses to mask her shitface) bus driver yells at us in a misture of chinese and English. 'SCUSE MEEESTER(MISTER) AND MEEES ( MISS), BU YAO ZHAN ZAI EZ-LINK KA NA BIAN BROCK ZHU BIE REN AR!) .Loosely translated version ' excuse me mister and miss, don't stand at the ez-link card scanner, you are obstructing the way of other passengers.' It was more of her tone, i swear, i wanted to punch her in her already flat face. I don't know what inspired such wrath in me, even mild-tempered Ashley was pissed. We walked to the front of the bus,
Ashley ( think angry-police man face) : Excuse me, I don't think that's the way you should talk to the passengers (Stomps down the bus)
Driver( swollen faced and shocked): Zi ji bu hui ... ( You don't know it yourself...)
Me:( giving her the bitchiest face and dirtiest look ever): SHUT THE FUCK UP! ( walks down the bus letting her check out my nicely tanned and smooth back which she obviously doesn't have)
That was my first time really scolding a stranger. And it felt AWESOME.

#2 I'm sorry. I only saw one side of the story. Now i think both sides are equally fucked up and I am not going to dirty my hands for any of this bullshit. I'm pretty unaffected by what most people do in school. My life, or lack of it, in CJ revolves around class, council( being a dog, according to Yi sen) and Ashley. So I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks or does to me. Wow VJ people know more about what's going on in my school then me and somehow i don't know how i got dragged in. Ahh nevermind that.

#3 GOOD NEWS. I AM A B CUP.
I went to buy a bra today and the sales person measured me. She proclaimed me a B. A solid B. Not an approaching B. Solid eh. I have been promoted from those ling yong baos ( lotus paste buns) to Char siew baos ( barbeque pork buns). I love it. It makes my boobs perk up and say Hello ( the ugly truth) Jealous anyone? Okay I joke. I know some people have DD cups. Oh well.
What else?

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:58:06 GMT

Today I was fingering the collar of Ash's shirt, playing with the college collar pin which is incidentally a flame. Ashley looks at me with a totally straight face, pokerface, as we may term it, and says in a sombre tone ' Don't play with fire.' Totally cracked me up!

Some people may feel that I'm being antisocial and exclusive but I really think I'm spending too much time with council. Like I don't want to go out with council people cause I see them practically everyday and sometimes I think I'll be like too ( for lack of better word) sian. Everytime my class goes out, I'm stuck at mundane meetings and problematic proposals. It is inevitable that I'll associate with councillors with work and my first instinct would be to shy away from more than what is required of me. Shit. I sound like a bum. Perhaps I'm more than a little tired. I do hope Graduation Night will be meaningful and fun for the J2s to prevent our efforts from slipping down the drain. Don't get me wrong about not liking council. I do. I love council. I love my work but I feel saturated?

Anyway there was a comment on the survey shorts regarding changing the school shorts,

Would you support the change in school shorts ? Yes __22__ No__0___ Neutral ___0___
Other comments? : Not like you all are going to change the shorts anyway.

My response. FUCK YOU.

Why must you be so critical and cruel? Are we that inefficient as a council. Haven't the projects we have undertaken been relatively successful. It is people like you who offer brainless criticism with zero constructive feedback. But on the other hand, this makes me more motivated to change the shorts, prove that little motherfucker wrong.

So much to do, so little time. I'm going to ECP tomorrow. coolness.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:14:16 GMT

Promotional examination results will be released soon. I'm pretty worried. I do not want to retain, i would much rather drop out of college on my own accord if the school were to offer me that option. Ayeeee... so pessimistic.
I really want to promote and continue with my 4 H2s for the following reasons
1. I WANT FACE. ( SI YAO MIAN ZI = die also want my pretty face)
If i retain, I won't know how to face my teachers and cohort. I don't want to disappoint myself or anyone else. I think I've done enough of that this year.
2.I don't want to make new friends
Like so anti-social right? No la, I'm not going to be particularly close to any group in CJ, no other clique can make me nearly as happy as I am when I'm with my clique. Plus, i don't want to get close to another class, I think I'll feel like I'm betraying them and that way i can never truly be happy.
Let's see if i were to make new friends, I'd like to try to be completely honest, imagine this
' Hi, my name is Gladys. I like to criticise myself so that people will praise me, in other words, i enjoy fishing for praises, I'm mediocre, I will never like you as much as I like my current classmates/ clique. I have a bf, Ashley who owns all of you guys so go work on it.....'
I think everyone will really hate me. That's the reward of honesty. Who'd like to be honest now?
3. I get kicked out of council
I think i've dedicated a major part of my life to council. It keeps me feeling that I can contribute something, it makes me feel useful and fulfilled. I've made good friends and it's given me so many opportunities and really made me more confident and responsible. Haha like my evaluation on my council experience. Woohoo
4. No more Ashley
Life would suck.

Don't so childish, kids. Grow up. Your size fits the bill but your little brain doesn't

You all piss me off

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:00:33 GMT

There are many things i don't get.
1. How can people derive pleasure from causing another pain? It may be obvious like the sadomasochism depicted in the destructive relationship between Gerald and Gudrun ( Women in Love, D.H. Lawrence) or it can be subtle like how everyone laughs at my singing.
I don't think it's funny, I don't mind teasing but I cannot stand being scorned or laughed at. I hate humiliation. But i refuse to say anything to all of you because frankly, I'm outnumbered and I don't think you all will understand. You'll probably shrug it off as me being petty or over-sensitive. Perhaps I am. But since this is my personal space, my blog, I'm allowed to express whatever emotions I'm feeling freely and honestly no one has the right to flame me for what I feel. ( BTW, I'm not referring to my clique or class, so no worries :) )

2. I don't understand why people talk nicely to me there's just two of us, but not when you're around other people. Do you feel powerful, as though you have the upperhand? It annoys me. It's hypocritical. I'm a hypocrite too but at least i admit that. I smile at people i detest and I smile when I'm writhing with intense wrath within me. You act like you're all that and I don't understand you.

Whatever, this is just an angsty post and I'm just an angsty 17 year old girl.
So what? I'm still pretty and cool and I've got the bestest bf ever. So why should i give a fuck about how other people react to what i do?
Times like these make me realise how lucky i am to have Ashley <3

_I_

<3

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:43:36 GMT

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her... "

I've found that guy
I love you Smashley (:

frivolity

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:15:58 GMT

My promos are over. Today I searched for my LBD and push up bras.
BTW, LBD = little balck dress ( why all the acronyms anyway? I don't know but i feel cool using them)
I hunted high and low, scoured every store in Marina square and Raffles city but nothing materialised ( like my pun?) . So many dresses, so little money. Anyway they were mostly ugly la. Or as my sister puts it, cheap looking. I want a cheap LBD that is not cheap looking. Anyone who sees one please give me your kindest advise and DON'T BUY THE SAME DRESS AS ME. Thank you (:
Push up bras were plentiful but I don't like those busty aunties coming up to me gazing at my pitiful lumps and attempting to help me choose bras. I can choose my own, ThankYouVeryMuch. Like hello? I've been wearing a bra since P5 obviously I'm more in tuned with their size and perkiness than those ladies righttt? This beings me to a point,
I really can't stand sales people who march right up to me and offer advice even before I begin looking around. 'Can i help you?' and all that. I really feel like telling them, ' hmmm, sure you can! By lending me your staff discount card or fucking off?' HAHAHA But i never ever do that cause I'm so sweet and nice.
I bought a Sasa mascara on Sat, it's pretty but it sucks.Bloody waste of my $19.90. I shall stick with my cheap Maybelline cat eyes mascara, i think that works better than the Chanel one. Chanel just has nice packaging. See product differentiation and branding goes far and that is why we all must study Econs.
Haha nothing much to blog about, just random frivolous stuff like retail therapy. Sighhh I need a party and I need to go out with my girls and Ashley( who is my BOYfriend, poor you (:)
Hmmm what else?
Oh yes. I'll talk about looks in relation with wealth and fashion sense
Rich + ugly + no fashion sense: You flaunt your wealth by buying ugly branded things, I pity you. Employing a personal shopper would be a good option (:
Rich + ugly + fashion sense : Hmmm some make up will solve that, go work on that hot bod and guys will still like you. Padded bras and eyeliners work wonders (:
Rich+ pretty+ no fashion sense: Stop wearing your mum's clothes unless you're me(: Beg for an advance on your allowance
Rich+ Pretty+ fashion sense: Aw i wish i were you, I love Paris Hilton (:
Average+ pretty+ no fashion sense: Somehow guys like the innocent look, might just work? Hmmmm
Average + pretty+ fashion sense: Ask me how i look so awesome unless I'm studying.

& the list continues...

By the way, I hate vintage. I don't care what Anna Wintour says. It reminds me of my chinese teacher in Secondary 2. It's uncomfortable watching people conform to ugly fashion trends just because it's in store. Oh wells, i shouldn't say too much. It's not like I'm the most fashionable person around.

Have a happy day (:

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:40:38 GMT

I can't concentrate. I'm in an after-exam mood. Shit. HAHA
I'm going shopping with my sister right after promos
I need to buy two very important things that all girls should own:
1. An LBD
2. A push-up bra ( it's not funny, I have no boobs)

I feel awful

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:16:33 GMT

I'm a fat kid. I exercise and gain weight even when i eat lesser, wtf right? how fair is this? Plus my hot bikini bod is gone, okay it was never that hot but at least i was toned and thinner. Now I feel like a pig with extra flab bouncing out of my bikini and it's not even at the right places.
I hate my fat thighs, that i have zero hips, no boobs, no waist and no curves, i feel like a man, i don't want to exercise anymore, it's just making me feel heavy and i really abhore that feeling. I want to lose 5kg and get my abs back so badly. I wish i was born tall and thin with a superb hourglass figure. Then again, which girl wouldn't want that? Yuck, i'm quite grossed out with how i look now. Like how my clothes fit compared to last time. I had a nice picture last year, i could see my collarbones ( from the mirror) and my backbones + shoulder blade bones, whatever they're called. Now i swear that are totally immersed in my fats. I can't wait to lose weight, it just isn't happening like how i wanted it to be. I guess I'm not trying hard enough, i succumb too easily to temptation. I need a PE teacher like mine last year to tell me ( indirectly) that I'm fat before I actually 'wake up' and start doing something about my weight.

I got really badly injured today, the heavy metal gate like totally crushed my finger, and it's swollen and purple and hurts like fuck. I am not exaggerating. Take a look at see if i am,

Plus my parents were totally unsympathetic. You see, when I'm injured in any way, i feel vulnerable and tend to wallow in self-pity.
And my legs look HUGE in the photos.

Urghhh today was an awful day save for the fact that i had fun walking around in marina sqaure with my sister.

I feel like crap now and extra lonely cause Ashley's gone to sleep
):

Aiyaaaaaaa

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:22:58 GMT

I haven't had a sad post in a while, but i think today will be it, life can't be too smooth huh?
Oh well, I'll blog my nice happy postabout lantern/ mooncake festival when I'm free, probably after promos, that is one post i'm looking forward to writing so i don't want to rush

Tomorrow is my GP paper so this will be a brief post
1030- Sister gets really sick on our way out of the house so i sent her home
1030-1100- Taxi driver goes halfway around Singapore just to get to the church, wasting more than $10 of my money
1100-1200- Cried in church cause i was worried for my sister, mum couldn't recognise me from the back, so i sat alone for half the mass
1330-1430- Ate so much until i felt myself really getting fatter
17001930- tuition which wasn't good at all
1930-2100 Ate more food, got fatter
2100-2200- most painful hour plus i thought i lost my ring so i slit my finger quite badly in the process of looking for it. I dunno how i'm gonna write tmr, even typing is awkward now.

Questions are swirling around in my head. I am confunded. I am distracted. I have broken my focus for promos. I have a bad feeling I'll screw up GP despite my fervent praying today. I think what the mouth of truth said is pretty accurate, ' i have an idea of happiness but i can't yet attain it' and a whole lot of other stuff which seems valid. Wow. A machine, not even a living stranger knows me better than myself. My life is an irony. A farcical irony