This has been a long week.
I've been asking God for so many things,i keep praying that nothing important in my life gets compromised, but it does. It can't be helped
So i've have had to make many choices this week.

What matters to me now, getting Reach Cambridge Literature, Council campaigning, CAs, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, CCAsm and alone time.

I've completely given up on alone time, studying is virtually impossible but i've been trying. Shit and i have CAs tmr. LOL at least i have time to do this.

RC lit, i don't think i gave that paper my best shot, i feel shortchanged. Hopefully, that 6 pages of bullshit will get be substantial enough to get me in, to wish that someone else messed up his/her essay would be too mean, so i just hope i did well enough la.

Council, my main main priority at this point, i've been giving it my all. I know a facebook group sounds pretty cheesy but i was super touched when i logged on today and saw 120 + members. Even if i don't get in, i want to look back and know that i've given this my best shot
My bf is not happy, i can tell. But he's trying to be supportive, i appreciate that. Thank you.

Sometimes i feel like a hot air balloon, i want to fly high high high high and achieve everything but there's always this burden that's weighing me down, so i'm suspended in the middle. This burden is my boyfriend and studies la, my parents and sister have been ever so supportive, they actually helped me cut the hands because i had so much work to do. I saw the importance of family and how much they love me. Their love really lifts my spirits at this point of time.
I've been on a 'work high' although my life is at an all time low. When i do work, i just 'chiong' and do everything i can. But when there's no work, too many questions confound me and i keep wishing for sth purposeful to occupy my time.
I don't want to see a doctor, they make me feel weak, i don't want an MC, they are for lazy people. I don't want to leave my group to do all the work, if we win, i hope we all win together,
my boyfriend hinders my progress sometimes, i'm just different from him. I love him but that doesn't mean i have to be like him right? I know i can be a workaholic, but i don't want to let any opportunity slide by now. Not now. Not after i've staked everything on this.

It's a scary though how i might turn out to be those awful career women who abandon their family just to make more money. But this is not the same. Tell me it isn't.

I need to pray for strength and humility.